


Hurt For Me.

by Johnjaesdad



Category: NCT (Band), NCT 127 - Fandom, NCT127, 킬링 스토킹 | Killing Stalking (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bottom Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Dom Suh Youngho | Johnny, Heavy Angst, JohnJae-centric, Johnny Suh is a Serial Killer, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun is Whipped, Killing Stalking - Freeform, Killing Stalking AU, Killing Stalking NCT, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Not Happy, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Serial Killers, Smut, Sub Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Top Suh Youngho | Johnny, jaehyun is a stalker, johnjae au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:41:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24625651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johnjaesdad/pseuds/Johnjaesdad
Summary: The fleeting sensation of his heart beating in his chest was something that he wasn't really aware of most of the times: whenever he was trying to go through his days, surviving between a task and another, he kept thinking he was some kind of vampire or zombie since he couldn't really feel himself being alive at all.He couldn't really put it into words, he couldn't really describe fully what he was going through, but he knew for a fact that whenever he got to see that person that now was sitting in front of him, suddenly everything seemed to make sense: the survival game in which he seemed stuck into suddenly became his life and he could hear the mad beating of his own heart pushing against his ribs and sternum, making him breathe again after a long apnea.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 13
Kudos: 24





	Hurt For Me.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, Johnjaesboy speaking!  
> Additional tags will be added from time to time, but since this is a KILLING STALKING!JOHNJAE AU, I'm covering up many different violent topics that could be found disturbing and harmful.  
> There are homophobic slurs and misoginist slurs all along the chapters, so I really advise people to stay away from this fanfiction if it's something that could bother you.  
> With this statement I do not intend to offend anyone NOR I support these thoughts.  
> As part of the lgbtqia+ community myself, I'm just trying to build up characters and make them "real", not to hurt someone.
> 
> ALSO a very important thing that I need my readers to understand is this: by writing a Killing Stalking AU I don't mean to mistake the character's obsession for one another for love.   
> I do not want to romanticize mental illnesses and I do not want to make people think that this could be some kind of ideal relationship.  
> Love doesn't come with traumas and doesn't force people into do things like the one I am going to talk about.  
> And I will write this in every note of every chapter if necessary, but I don't really want to hurt anyone. 
> 
> Please read carefully and stay safe!
> 
> The story won't be exactly as the one in the Manhua, but many things will be similar!
> 
> Thank you for passing by ♥

The fleeting sensation of his heart beating in his chest was something that he wasn't really aware of most of the times: whenever he was trying to go through his days, surviving between a task and another, he kept thinking he was some kind of vampire or zombie since he couldn't really feel himself _being alive at all._

He couldn't really put it into words, he couldn't really describe fully what he was going through, but he knew for a fact that whenever he got to see that person that now was sitting in front of him, suddenly everything seemed to make sense: the survival game in which he seemed stuck into suddenly became his life and he could hear the mad beating of his own heart pushing against his ribs and sternum, making him breathe again after a long apnea.

The first time he saw that person he had just turned fifteen two days before: he wasn't popular in school and his family was a fucking mess, so he and the only guy that was his friend at that time decided to go out to an arcade and spend some hours playing video games without thinking about anything else.

He wasn't a fan of hangouts and he couldn't really fit into a room full of different people, but he made it worked for that Saturday afternoon and he got the feeling that luck, for once, was on his side: between some Tekken and crazy races on some fake ass motorcycle, he finally laid his eyes on the most beautiful human being he'd ever seen in his entire life.

He stood out of the crowd because of his tall figure, perfectly balanced between two long and muscular legs and a torso that seemed to be sculpted by Michelangelo himself.

Jaehyun felt his heart beating for the first time and his fear building up up his stomach and throat: of all the people that he could've looked at, why staring at a man when _he himself was a man?_

Didn't he know? His heart was supposed to beat for a lovely and cute girl, with long black hair and puppy honey eyes, a small figure with large breasts and smooth skin... but, instead, he couldn't stop staring at those strong and venous arms, those shoulders that seemed like they could carry the entire world on them and those big, juicy lips...

«Jaehyun?»

Suddenly, a sweet soothing voice captured his attention. His eyes kept staring at the person sitting in front of him and they surely weren't who he was dreaming about.

He looked up at the screen hanging from the train's ceiling and he knew for a fact that Johnny left his seat two stations before the one that was being announced; he was just so caught up in his own thoughts and feelings that he missed the chance to follow him all the way to class, but he could've made it up over lunch, knowing he was gonna go eat sushi with his friends.

He wrote it on his Facebook profile and then his friends talked about it on Twitter, especially the girl that had a huge crush on him; she was always trying to touch him and tease him with his breasts against his arm, sitting next to him or sharing his drinks with him... that skank.

His eyes finally moved onto the person that had called him before and his lips curved into a shy smile, recognizing the girl from his old school days.

«Hi» he stood up, bowing his head lightly. «I'm sorry, I didn't notice you were here, I was with my head in the clouds».

Jaehyun had always been too much polite with his surroundings and living in a society where girls demanded men to be tough and straightforward was kind of difficult for him: he always felt left out and invisible, meek and demure.

He certainly didn't expect someone from his past to recognize him on a subway and even say hello to him; but this girl had always seem nice to him, even when in High School he was being bullied and his head was always flushed down the toilet and his nose was always bleeding, making him look like a perv that needed to be beaten to let him know his place.

«I saw you from a distance and I wasn't sure if it was really you... you got thinner, you look really good!» she said, making him feeling uncomfortable; he should've known he'd better pretend he didn't know her... it'd have been less embarrassing.

«Thanks...» _it's because of traumas._ «I've been on a diet some years ago».

«It did work, I'm proud of you! Where you were headed?»

Jaehyun barely remembered her name; in fact, he barely remembered anything from his past apart from the bullying and his monstrous family background: people that have been around him his whole life barely had faces in his memory and every moment he had lived through his entire existence seemed to have been broken into tiny little incongruous pieces that now were just splinters on the floor he was laying upon.

«Work» he replied, trying to dodge any other questions that the girl was trying to ask.

«Oh, where do you work? Is it some internship or you work full time?»

A radiography would've been less invasive than those questions. Jaehyun barely could smile at her. «I work full time. And that's my stop... I should get going» he said, clearly lying to her, trying to get rid of her.

«Oh... well, my stop is the one after yours, I can walk you to work., in the end mine is really near both of those.» She smiled, gently, her voice tweeting like a little happy bird in the morning.

He couldn't stand it. He was _so_ annoyed.

«Sure... sure, why not...»

They both got out of the train since she basically begged for it – in his opinion – and now the big quest was how to get rid of her before she could notice that Jaehyun wasn't neither an employee nor a trainee: just a poorly capable boy who had been recently fired last month from his sixth job in a year due to his inconsistency and lack of effort.

They walked out of the subway station and into the light, Seoul's bright colors welcoming them into one of its smaller district; the girl seemed full of life and it was only eight in the morning.

«So, how's your life going, Jaehyun-oppa? Do you have a girlfriend? I'm sure there'll be tons of pretty ladies fighting over you!»

Jaehyun shrugged, his eyes searching for a place to use as a vanishing spot, like a public restroom or a coffee shop... but he found none.

«I do, umh... I do have a girlfriend» he lied again, his ears turning red. He really was a bad liar, but the girl was too caught up in making weird girly sounds to really notice.

«She must feel so lucky!» she cried, her high pitched voice making her even more annoying. «You are so reserved I thought you were still single... lucky her. You've really bloomed».

He bit his inner cheek, his hands nervously shaky in his pockets.

A goddamn restroom, he needed a fucking stinky cubicle in which he could've hide and waited for her to go away, pissed off or whatever. He just needed to get rid of her and go back to school campus, to Johnny's classes and then going to watch that stupid ass girlfriend of his rubbing her breasts against his arm like the slut she was.

God, he was so angry at the idea that she could touch him when she wasn't even half of the person Johnny was... she didn't deserve him, not even one bit of him.

«I need to use a bathroom» he said abruptly, interrupting whatever things the girl was blabbering about. «Do you know if there's one nearby?»

«Oh, sure, there's one on the left, fifty meters ahead of us» she replied, but something in her voice cracked when she realized that Jaehyun wasn't even listening to her. «Are you okay?»

«I just... have some stomach problems... I think it's a viral form» he said, keeping his distance from her, now that he had this wonderful idea about viruses and bathrooms and all of that stuff. «You should stay away... I thought it had passed but suddenly I feel weird again...»

«Oh god, you should go home Jaehyun-oppa! It's not healthy to overwork yourself!» she cried, now back at her normal voice again. «Why didn't you tell me sooner?»

«I was really selfish, I'm sorry...» he said, bowing his head so much that he really seemed sorry. «I think I'm gonna go home and take some rest... you should take care of yourself too».

«I will, of course. If you take the subway everyday we should hang out more, at least on our way to work!»

«Will do» he replied, trying to smile while saying goodbye. _God she's annoying..._

On his way back to campus, he felt tension rising up his spine as he approached the area: he should've been in there with those people, studying for his future too... but he was so freaking stupid that he dropped out of school before he could even graduate and he was forced to join the military, which he failed at too.

His uncle always addressed him as a fucking failure and he was right to think and say so, but he really didn't understand what it was to be him in a world that wasn't meant for him... so the only good thing he could do was to praise the Perfection that that stranger was for him and help him get everything he needed from life: he claimed to be a sort of guardian angel, someone who couldn't deal with himself but could definitely help that man out.

“How?” someone could be wondering... well, first of all, Jaehyun always made sure that the people around him were suitable for him: girls should've been pretty enough to go with his looks, they should've respected him in any way possible... he checked all their social medias, he crossed their friend list so that he can look through their tagged photos and found out if they were cheating on him.

He also tried his best to get back at every single hate comment they could leave under one of those “spotted” pages: Jaehyun created a girl alias so that he could reply to those haters and get the attention of his man. One time he even got him to like one of his comments and he was quite sure that his alias made a name for being Johnny Suh's first advocate.

He was so damn proud when he noticed him that time: he stood up all night crying tears of joy while masturbating so hard against his mattress, his ass slightly up as if he was being pounded so good by Johnny's cock... but then he felt so guilty about it that he ended up threatening himself with a knife: every time his mind flew on thoughts that he shouldn't even have had, he'd cut himself, sliding the knife along his arm as if it wasn't part of him.

He ended up staining the whole room with his useless blood and didn't even go to the hospital: why would he? He didn't even have insurance.

Million faces walked past him and no one seemed to notice how much of a stranger he was to that place; he didn't care. He was glad, actually, and from time to time, not to be part of that “social normies” was a blessing because of his introverted nature.

Also he could stare at his favorite masterpiece without being noticed; he could gave him his entire attention without others saying anything to him. He was living his dream now that he his days were fully free, and other things could totally wait.

Finally, the man he was waiting for stepped out of the entrance door along with his friends and his whole figure made Jaehyun's days perfect: he'd waited four hours under that gray sky, patiently, checking every social media regularly for updates on lessons, sudden changes of plans, new pictures to be use as a lock screen... but everything stood silent until that big smile of his made his whole face turn completely red with excitement.

Johnny – or Jonathan, as he liked to call him, as it was his complete name – was everything you'd want from a man: a polite, well-mannered and popular guy, someone who was very aware of other people's reality, charitable, empathetic, smart, charismatic, a total gentleman and the whole cake with the cherry on top.

Jaehyun was so conscious about him that he thought he knew everything about him. Everything. Even is family record and his top marks at school.

He knew he was from Chicago and had moved to Seoul because he'd won a scholarship, he knew he had a very difficult life and his parents died in an accident some weeks before he started going to university, he knew he liked cats more than dogs...

He knew everything and that is why he felt the right to protect him from people who didn't mean well.

He followed him and his group of friends from a distance, trying to catch the same bus as theirs and giving side eyes to the girl he was currently “dating”, like he had to watch her in every single move she made to find proofs of her infidelity.

He knew, too, that they weren't actually dating, but she was so obvious in her behavior that Jaehyun couldn't really stand anything about her, nor that she was now hugging Johnny's arm.

God he was so jealous. No, _pissed off_ and _concerned_ were the right terms.

He wasn't jealous, his love was entirely platonic and he knew it, he fucking knew it.

Johnny couldn't have ever loved someone like him; someone who was nothing and always will be nothing... his love was purely innocent, protective, like the one of God for his multitude of children... but he was only focused on him and will always be focused on him.

He got into the restaurant fifteen minutes after the group of friends got in, asking for a solo table: since the place was kinda crowded he had to settle for a table that was too much distant from them, but he could still watch them take selfies and post them on Instagram.

He didn't have the guts to compliment Johnny about his ethereal beauty even if he was under his girl alias, but he got angry at how many dirty comments he received; what hurt him the most, though, was that he liked every single one of them.

Why?

His eyes were now longing for Johnny's table again.

Why was he liking them all? He barely liked the poetry he made when he was trying to get his “haters” to back off. Could he... that he hated him?

No, please, not that. Everything but not that.

He started typing a comment, trying to figure out what the hell to say to him... he had to had proofs, would he really hate him ( or his alias? ) when he tried so hard to be loved?

After three minutes of writing and deleting, he just said to himself “screw it!” and just wrote whatever he was going on in his mind.

**" @happyxxyume:** your smile makes me feel so warm. You're so handsome!! "

He stared at the screen for what it could've been eons. He felt like time was dilating so much and everything had started to move in slow motion only to go back to normal when on his screen appeared the so waited notification “ @ **johnnyjsuh liked your comment** ”.

Then he didn't hate him? He liked his comment.

“ **@johnnyjsuh replied to your comment:** Cute. My wonder girl. ”

Jaehyun felt like he was going to die the instant his phone rang again. He couldn't really deal with what was written in there since it was something so overwhelming that he barely got a hold of himself. His stomach closed and his cock twitched at the idea of that words whispered in his ears by nonetheless than Johnny Suh.

He felt like he was going crazy, so he took a screenshot and then opened Instagram, checking his comment and the reply.

He really said that.

He said to him that he was his wonder girl and that he was cute.

He. Was. Cute. And he was “his”. His.

His eyes now looked up at Johnny's table, where everyone seemed to enjoy his lunch; they were laughing, looking at their phones or talking to one another, but Jaehyun felt like none of that matter because he got what he wanted for the first time in his entire life: he noticed him.

Johnny noticed someone like Jaehyun and called him cute and “his”. None of the other people mattered anymore because he took the time to reply to that comment even though he was out with his friends and that skank.

His chest felt so warm and his heart was beating so fast that he truly felt alive, despite everything he'd been through.

He finally felt like he was “someone” instead of “something”. His plain sushi was looking at him, ready to be eaten and all he could do was trying not to cry out of joy.

He left the place paying for nothing, since he really couldn't deal with anything but his growing happiness about that comment; he realized he couldn't follow him to his friend's house since he couldn't break in it... but he could do something else.

He stopped following the group when he had to drop off some stops before theirs, trying not to be too visible, his hood pulled over his face, his headphones on, but no music flowing through them.

He had to be careful since that neighborhood had surveillance camera, so he just walked around for a bit, trying to avoid those houses that he knew they had cameras directly pointed toward the streets.

He knew that neighborhood pretty well since it was Johnny's and he used to follow him home for a while... but he never got the chance to visit his house or to get familiar with his smell all over his clothes and that was what he was gonna do that afternoon.

He deserved it and no one would certainly get hurt... he wasn't gonna upset Johnny, because all he wanted to do was get a little reward, something that could hug whenever he felt lonely or sad, like a sweatshirt, and a little detour in the daily life of his favorite human being.

He got to his unguarded door a couple of minutes later, now confronting the lock on the door, with a hairpin in his hand and a thin metal stick: he was useless as a person, and he knew it, but one thing he got to learn from school was how to open up other people's locker and closed doors.

It wouldn't have been too different with a house's front door; not that he ever tried, but... a door was a door. And if he'd put a little bit of effort in it, he was sure he could've achieved his goal.

In the end, he was doing it because he truly felt like it was the right thing to do, so why not trying his best?

Now, the only thing that could've been a problem was the pass-code. He certainly knew that there was some kind of security system inside the house, because every time Johnny opened his front door, Jaehyun could clearly hear a beeping, until it stopped after a bunch of seconds, certainly because he inserted the right code.

But how could he bypass that? He didn't even had a clue about what the password could be, if it was just numbers or even letters, he didn't know anything.

And, goddammit, could he ever be that stupid? Seriously, why would he do something like that when it was clearly trespassing and going against the law?

He should've just searched Johnny's locker at school, that would've been less dangerous for him to do... how could he ever explained that trespassing without been taken for a psycho? At least he could've had some help in a school ground, like looking for papers and stuff, but... how could he explain what was going on right now to a stranger? To a police officer? To Johnny?

Standing in front of that door, he froze.

That was sick. That was really fucked up and he was stepping on boundaries that he shouldn't even have reached. What was he doing it for? Was it really a reward or was it because he was so sickly in love with that person? With a man?

Confused, he stared at the door for five minutes straight, unaware of his surroundings or if he was being watched or not. Did he need to go back home and stop himself? Could he do it?

The moment he got to look up to the sky, clearly looking for an answer from above, he found it: like a heavenly sign, he found it in the darkest hour of his day and he really felt privileged, like he'd been washed in fine wine and bliss.

The window on the first floor was open. How could he not have seen that?

It could've meant two things: the first one was that, maybe – and just _maybe –_ the alarm hadn't been activated; the second one, and the one that he felt more comfortable with, was that he could've climbed his way up to the first floor and entered the house.

«Excuse me? Who are you?» suddenly, an elderly voice struck him and he had to contain himself from jumping.

Jaehyun quickly turned to the sound source of that voice and his eyes met the ones of an old lady that was staring at him with curiosity and suspect.

«Ah – g-good afternoon...» he said, his voice shaking a bit. «I'm Johnny Suh's cousin from Busan... I tried to knock and rang the bell, but he doesn't seem to be home... I was just passing by...» he tried to explain, stuttering a bit. He was lucky that the person in front of the small gate was old, because he could push his luck with her: maybe she was deaf or too stupid, and he could've take advantage of that.

«You seem lost. Why don't you call him? I'm sure he's on his way if he was expecting you» she replied, smiling. She didn't seem the type to back off or to mind her own goddamn business.

Jaehyun nodded, searching his pockets for his phone, faking at dialing Johnny's number. «Ah – yes... Johnny-hyung? I'm Jae... Did you forget about our meeting? Am I too early on the schedule...? Mh, mh... yes, I'll wait here. Thirty minutes, yes, no problem. I don't have much to do... yes, catch you later then... sorry...»

He kept his voice a little higher than usual, so that the old lady could mind his business and finally leave him alone.

«All good?» she asked, keeping herself still in front of the gate, tension rising in Jaehyun's guts as time clocked itself away.

«Yes... I'll be waiting here for him, I'll sit on the front steps... he's on his way» he replied, trying not to feel too nervous. He could've gone bat shit crazy at any moment because of the turns and twists of that fucking game that was going on since that morning.

«How are things in the south? Do you prefer Busan or Seoul?» she asked, trying to keep the conversation alive. «I have some parents from Geumjeong District, you know it? Where are you from, precisely?»

God, he wished he had studied geography. «Jung» he replied, being too obvious since it was the only district he could remember. «I definitely prefer Seoul... it's cosmopolitan here, the South is very much conservative...» _Cosmopolitan? Seriously? I didn't even know you knew this word..._

«Ah, yes, it's a very big city with so many people. How long will you stay here?»

«Probably two or three weeks, it depends. I'm on hiatus from school» he replied, trying to build up a story that was convincing enough to make her let him go.

«Oh good, good... than enjoy your stay! Wish your cousin will be here soon enough!» she smiled again, being way too polite to him, and then left her unrequited role as a fucking guardian of someone else's house to go mind her own goddamn business.

Jaehyun sat quietly on the front door's step for other five minutes; he felt like he could only watch his surroundings from where he was standing, because streets weren't safe enough for him to do his things in peace.

When everything became quiet again – and he had to wait a bit for that – he stood up again and tried to find some handholds to use to facilitate his climbing: was the old lady still watching him? Was there someone that was looking at him from the windows? He tried to evaluate the situation, to keep himself aware of his surroundings and when he was sure enough that half an hour had surely pass, he tried to climb his way up to the first floor by using the iron pipes of the drainage channels.

He thanked not only god, but also every fucking thing in the sky that his body was light enough to be supported by those pipes and holds. It could've been much worse considering he'd lost two hours doing nothing but feeling useless and a criminal... he should've done things way quickly than what he'd originally planned, but at least he felt finally safe inside of that house.

The room he broke into was kinda empty: there was a desk on the left of the window with a laptop and a closet. No futons outside nor beds, meaning that maybe that could be something like a studio or a simple unused room... but was it really? His laptop was there, connected to the charger.

He lift his nose a bit, sniffing the air around him and found a likable smell, like the one he used to perceive every time he'd be able to go to his favorite candy shop.

He felt his legs turning jelly and something between his pants twitched at the idea of how he was feeling right now: excited, happy, satisfied... god, that was the best day of his entire life.

He got out of the room, looking now at the small corridor that seemed to connect other three rooms altogether and the stairs that would've eventually took him to the ground floor.

A quick look around made him realized that he should've just stick to the first floor for now, and if he'd eventually had time, he could've visited the ground floor too; now his main concern was to find his room and look for something that he could've easily took home with him... maybe smell the pillows on which his head rested during the night.

First, he found his bathroom and acknowledged that he used very expensive body wash and shampoos: they mostly smelled like fresh pine threes and mint; they were paired up with cloths with a very specific color code, like everything needed to be matched.

It was a very clean and pleasant place and he liked to be surrounded by Johnny's habits and lifestyle. He seemed even more perfect in his eyes.

He found his room after a quick search: it was the only door on the right and he walked through it

like he was visiting an ancient and sacred temple.

A double futon was folded on the floor to his left and a big closet with panels confronted the wall on the other side of the room. Even that room gave him the feeling to be quite empty, but he didn't care much because he knew that it was because his own room was a really fucking mess and seemed to be full of stuff: from a respectable and functioning man he didn't expect anything less than perfection from his own room.

He went straight to the closet, slid open one of the panels and started respectfully searching through his clothes for something that could use as a souvenir: Johnny's smell was so strong on those fabrics that Jaehyun would've gladly bottled it up and used it as his own personal perfume.

His hands touched what it seemed to be an hold and way too used sweater, something that really seemed to get along with his own essence: holes down the sleeves, patches on the right hip, some roughly adjusted scars along the chest.

Yes, that could've been something meaningful for Jaehyun: his ragged look and unworthy social status, but with Johnny's perfume. It symbolizes their union and connection and Jaehyun's own elevation.

He sat on the floor and hugged that old sweatshirt like it was the person who it belonged to and stood there for what it could be considered a huge amount of time. Sometimes, his hips made some strange moves that he had no rational control over and he had to force himself to be still, but he eventually handed up lying on the futon, now wearing the sweatshirt, his face against Johnny's pillow, sniffing his now familiar smell while he slowly slide his pants off his thighs.

The feeling of the big sweatshirt covering part of his ass and his turgid cock made him feeling so horny that he slowly started to rub his hips against the futon, with the fabric covering his erection, increasing the friction on his bare skin.

He let out a muffled sound against the pillow, his face completely sunk in it, his nose overwhelmed by Johnny's smell; if his eyes remained closed and his mind could focus enough on it, he would've felt Johnny's large cock rubbing against his ass cheeks before starting to pound him so good that he would've certainly come without even being fully touched between his legs.

His thrusting became faster at the sole thought and the need to feel _full_ became so obsessive that he tried to spread his ass cheeks with his hands, caressing them like Johnny would've done if he'd been there with him, before trying to thrust one of his fingers inside his hole, curious of what he could possibly feel...

He'd never thought it could be so strange: fingering himself or even just touch his hole was something that he'd never thought he could do; his body had parts which he didn't even allow himself to touch, but he was so caught up in that moment, in that fantasy of his, that he didn't even thought about what he was allowed to do and whatnot: his mind was so crowded that he barely felt himself in that room.

There wasn't Jaehyun anymore, just his hips swinging back and forth against Johnny's sweatshirt and futon and his nose deeply sniffing the smell that was left on his pillow. There was the man's ghostly presence between his ass cheeks and his fingers trying to childishly stimulate himself, without even know how to do it properly.

He was sure that Johnny would've known how to fuck him properly, like he was one of his girlfriends; he'd treated his hole like some of those wet pussy of theirs and make him feel really good.

Damn... could've he been more fucked up than that?

He started feeling his cock twitching against the fabric, sometimes he even bumped in the creases that he naturally made moving like that, his pleasure slowly building up and his breath fastened and shortened by the seconds.

Was he on the verge of...? That was different from what he'd ever experienced himself... was he doing it right?

He felt so hot and bothered, so sweaty and pumped up that when he felt his own cock squirting like it never did before, he started crying and shaking like a little leaf falling down its tree: he felt his tears soak the pillow underneath him and his puffy cheeks, his legs became jelly under that shot of pleasure and he couldn't keep up with all the feelings and thoughts he was experiencing.

He laid down for several minutes hyperventilating, his heart beating like a war drum. Guilt came like a punch to his throat and he suddenly felt like throwing up.

He ran back towards the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet, letting out everything that he had inside of his stomach: he threw up mostly liquids, since he didn't really eat during lunch nor breakfast... and when he was finished, he desperately tried to wash everything up, mitigating those smells of his that happened to break that perfect atmosphere between those four walls of Heaven.

God, he was so desperate. He tried to recreate the exact same place that he'd found before, neatly folding the futon back to its original state.

He needed to go back. He couldn't stay there any longer if he didn't want to risk anymore: time had passed so quickly that he barely noticed; and, trying to make his way back to the window that he'd use to break in, his blood froze in his veins: the sound of the keys opening the door downstairs and Johnny's voice with the one of his girlfriend made him realized he couldn't go back without being heard.

He panicked, his blood rushing to his brain, making him feel like he was damned to burn in Hell anytime soon. He couldn't made it to the first room he'd visited, so he went back to Johnny's bedroom, his clothes still sticky and dirty from his semen... and he chose to hide himself in the closet, between some clean sheets and towels, barely fitting in.

He wasn't the biggest figure ever, so he could easily fit in small places, but he also wasn't that small: he still was a grown ass man, after all.

On the verge of crying, he sat there in the dark for what it could've been thirty minutes when he heard footsteps along the stairs; then, the two of them were wrapped around one another, making out after Johnny'd stretched the futon again.

Jaehyun slowly slid the panel so that he could've look at the outside world from that chink: he saw them, _he saw her,_ and he could barely get what he was feeling.

Did he want to throw up again? Did he felt aroused at the sight of Johnny's naked and toned torso? It was barely visible since the darkness of the room, but he could've easily imagine his muscles stiffen at every movement he made against the girl, between her legs.

She was completely naked, her small breasts pointing towards Johnny's chest, her nipples turgid, her legs spread open, her high pitched and annoying voice completely turning Jaehyun off... god, she was so... unworthy.

Johnny didn't seem to mind, though: he made her scream of pleasure when he fingered her, his low voice asking to beg for more, to make him feel proud.

She, docile, didn't complain at all. «Oppa...» she called. «Oppa please... make me feel good...» And Johnny would make her feel good, giving her what she wanted, unzipping his pants and tapping the tip of his cock against the girl's clitoris before slowly thrusting it in her and start pounding her like he was about to break her in half.

Jaehyun couldn't stop imagining himself being at her place: he would've not screamed like that, because he knew that it was annoying unless his man asked for him to do it, but he would've completely let Johnny break him until he was satisfied, he would've literally let Johnny use him like a toy.

His hands and his tongue were all over the girl's body: they were playing with her breasts, along her skin; maybe her neck would be covered in hickeys the next day. Jaehyun was so jealous. Desperate.

Why his day was being ruined like that? Why did he have to watch while his perfect Johnny fucked a girl in front of his eyes? It was so fucking painful...

Johnny's hands slid along her chest, making their way to her neck, caressing it before starting to choke her, making her whine and moan at the same time.

Her breath shortened and their tongues collided together, while wet sounds started to fill the entire room: by the second they got to edge together, the girl was still out of breath and Johnny didn't loosen his grip on her neck.

She started trying to call his name out, but her voice broke, her hands were now on Johnny's wrists: she tried to kick and scream, but she was soon put to silence.

Jaehyun couldn't believe his eyes and ears: did that really happened? What the fuck was going on?

He watched Johnny make sure that she was still breathing and then got up on his feet, completely naked. «This fucking bitch» he whispered, a fistful of hate in his voice.

Was he really the Johnny he knew? Could he be an impostor? An evil twin?

Jaehyun stood still the entire time, trying not to make any sudden move or sound as he watched Johnny take the girl in his arms, after making the bed, and then leaving the room.

The sounds of his footsteps softened when he reached a door on the ground floor and eventually closed it behind his back; the house fell silent again.

Now how was he supposed to run away? He had no time to waste, he should've act quickly. He slid open the door's and tried to reach the room with the open window, when he heard footsteps coming back up.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!_ What he was going to do? _I need to reach that fucking window._ He knew he was coming upstairs, but why?! What the fuck did he have to do?! _Fuck... the bathroom!_

He quickly got in, hiding behind the door and praying to God that Johnny would've just go to his room... he felt like crying again.

All he wanted to do was crying and repent until he felt, at least, like a decent human being. He regretted it so much. He swore to his mom that he'd never do that again. Never.

When Johnny's steps approached him, he felt shivers of pure fear sliding down his spine... but he didn't stop there, he just went back to his room – he thought? Steps were going from left to right – and then, silence fell again in the entire house.

Could he, now, risked to be caught like that? He had to think about something else, because walking out of that nightmare using the window was definitely not an option... but the front door was.

He should've run... but he'd make too much noise.

God he was so fucking stupid... he swore on everything he cared about that he wouldn't have done something like that ever again. Ever again.

He tried to slip back in the corridor, his light weighted steps making no sound, his attention focused on any kind of noise until he reached the last step.

Between himself and the front door there were just seven meters. How many steps did he had to take to be able to go outside and finally run away?  
A muffled sound reached his ears, making him shiver in fear: were was it coming from? Was it from the girl Johnny'd previously choked? Was she alright?  
He certainly hated her but he'd never wanted for her to be hurt like that. Could he do something? Did he have time to help her?

...Could that action helped him feeling less guilty about what he did? Egoistically, he found himself staring at the front door with fearful eyes: he did want to go away. He did want to put an end to that nightmare... but he couldn't leave without trying to help another person in need.

He wasn't that shitty person. He wasn't what his uncle had always pictured him. He wasn't bad.

He just wanted to be loved.

With his heart in his stomach, he turned to the sound source after making sure that Johnny was still upstairs and he got to the door behind which the whimpering came and he slowly opened it: it was dark and the air felt fusty, stale. Almost like someone had left blood stains all over the place and let it dried.

He pinched his nose, trying to go down the stairs that were swallowed by the dark atmosphere and, to his surprise, he found the girl perfectly tidied up: legs, arms, wrists. She was completely unable to move, completely naked, her legs broken.

How the fuck...

Jaehyun stared at her for seconds, then came to his senses and suddenly tried to speak up. «I- I'm... here t-to help...» he said, completely caught up in his own fear.

God, that was so bad... that was really bad, why the fuck he didn't run away? Why was he trying to help a stranger? Was his life so fucking meaningless?

He didn't really know what to do and the girl – which now he recognized that she'd been gagged and couldn't speak clearly – was clearly afraid.

«I'll... head to the kitchen, see if I can find a knife to help you out...» he said, whispering, trying to get over her constant screaming and her tears. What the fuck, he wasn't the enemy in that situation, why she was keep screaming? They'd both ended up caught that way...

And then, the room around him went even darker.

Suddenly an excruciating pain erupted on his nape, making his eyes rolled up into their orbits, like he'd have to get a look at his insides.

Everything shut down and fell silent.

He was fast asleep.


End file.
